Almost 55 years after the assassination of Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., this country and much of the world are still struggling with moving toward Dr. King’s dream:  “that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal.”

Indeed, I believe that these two practices are key for those of us trying to dismantle the imperialist, capitalist, white-body supremacy, patriarchal (“ICWP”) system of oppression under which we live. (For white people, if the phrase “white-body supremacy” is new or triggering for you, I invite you to check out the work of Resmaa Menakem, who coined this phrase). 

These two practices allow us to tap into a greater sense of power in doing this work. 

To add more fuel to Dr. King’s vision so that his dream can burn even brighter. 

These two practices are compassion and self-compassion. 

Why these two practices? 

Because they are the gateway to seeing that all humans truly are equal, all connected, and all made in the image of Divine Love. 

Because if you are a Person of Color or someone who is marginalized and oppressed by others with privileges, then self-compassion can be a superpower that can support your resilience to thrive in this world.  It can plant the reminder that you are not the messages that this ICWP systems says about you.  It can invite you into acknowledging your Divine, inherent, unconditional worth as a human being that the ICWP constantly ignores. 

Because if you’re a white person committed to anti-racism work or to becoming more aware of how your privileges or ableism can marginalize others, then self-compassion is needed to support you in continuing to show up for this work . . . to serve as a reminder that you are not a bad person.  You’ve been conditioned by the ICWP through bullshit stories about yourself and others that you’re not even aware of.  So, to continuously lean into the responsibility to dismantle these systems of oppression, it will require that we be kind to ourselves in those moments when we feel like we’re bad people or that we’ll never be able to do enough to make up for our part in the ICWP system.  It’s not kindness to let us off the hook . . . it’s kindness to use as fuel to keep showing up for the work. 

Because if we can all find compassion for ourselves, it opens a door to see how we are connected to others, thereby allowing us to tap into compassion for all humankind as well. 

So that collectively, we can all say “Fuck the ICWP!” in one, big beautiful voice!

What are compassion and self-compassion?

Let’s clarify some terms first. 

• Pity: feeling sorry for someone. For example, seeing an unhoused person and thinking to yourself “that poor person.”  Sometimes there can be an air of condescension with pity. 

• Sympathy:  similar to pity.  Having a general kinship with someone’s else’s feelings, but not having a very intense emotional involvement.  For example, seeing an unhoused person and noticing how bad you may feel for them, but continuing to walk on. 

• Empathy:  being able to put yourself in someone else’s shoes. It’s a vicarious sharing of the emotions that someone else is experiencing.  For example, seeing an unhoused person and connecting with what they may be feeling because you’ve experienced or fear you may experience financial loss.  You also can have self-empathy, which is a recognition of and connection to your own emotions. 

• Compassion:  having empathy for someone and taking action to alleviate their suffering.  The action component is key for compassion, and it can even be a small action. For example, giving an unhoused person a blanket or stopping to having a conversation with them. 

• Self-compassion:  compassion directed toward yourself. You notice your own pain (empathy) and take action to alleviate your suffering (compassion).  Self-compassion has 3 components:

  • Recognition that you are experiencing a moment of pain or suffering;

  • Remembering that all human beings experience pain. So, although your pain or suffering is unique to you and although it may feel very lonely, remembering that you are not alone in your experience of pain.  Pain connects all human beings. 

  • Taking action to alleviate or ease your suffering.  For example, saying kind words to yourself; placing a hand on your heart; taking a bath; making some tea, etc. 

So, now that we have the lexicon down, how can compassion and self-compassion help us lean into the realization of Dr. King’s dream?

Let me talk to People of Color first, and then to white people. 

People of Color:  My greatest invitation and hope for you is to find more self-compassion.  Not to make you feel better; but, to find comfort for yourself because you are experiencing pain or suffering and because you are worthy of comfort and kindness.   

For people who suffer at the hands of the ICWP system, self-compassion can provide you with greater resilience.  It can help create a deeper capacity for dealing with the negative impacts of injustice.  In fact, a recent study of 200 Asian-American college students found that those with a self-compassion practice were less likely to suffer from depression in the face of anti-Asian racism. 

Self-compassion also can help minimize or prevent burnout in working toward social justice. 

It also can help you tap into your own inherent worth and power in the face of societal messages about Bodies of Color.  In other words, self-compassion can support you in recognizing and comforting your own mental chatter about your worthiness that has been ignored by the ICWP system.

Finally, the ICWP system in this country is invested in making both with people and People of Color doubt the inherent worth, power, and beauty of People of Color, there really is no better way to save “Fuck the ICWP!” than by radically embracing your Divine, inherent worthiness and power with a self-compassion practice! 

I encourage you to go slow in your self-compassion practice.  This can feel very foreign and uncomfortable if it’s new to you.  Too much, too soon, can backfire.  So please, dear one . . . lean into self-compassion slowly.

To support you in slowly leaning into a self-compassion practice, I invite you to try this lovely, 10-minute guided meditation on Insight Timer by LaToya Cooper, Mindful Self Compassion.

You may also find support by joining the Cambridge Health Alliance’s Center for Mindfulness and Compassion’s free online mindfulness community for Black, Indigenous, and People of Color. 

Finally, to find more support for yourself in your continuous healing journey, the book My Grandmother’s Hands: Racialized Trauma and the Pathway to Mending Our Hearts and Bodies, by Resmaa Menakem, can be a powerful guide for People of Color (in addition to police and white people). 

(I intentionally have not discussed how People of Color or marginalized communities could lean into compassion for others. I feel that doing so would disregard your experience and assume that you were in a place in your journey to find compassion for those who continue to uphold the ICWP system that oppresses you. That is not place to do. I have witnessed firsthand the gift of compassion from People of Color and marginalized communities, and I trust that if and when compassion for the oppressors calls to you, you will hear that call).  

White people:  My greatest hope and invitation for white people is that we lean into the work of anti-racism, ableism, and privilege, so that we can be part of the movement of dismantling, rather than upholding, the ICWP system of oppression. 

To do that work of dismantling, requires both compassion and self-compassion. 

We can start first by leaning into empathy for People of Color and marginalized communities who are oppressed by the ICWP system. That does not mean that we, as white people, “know how they feel.”  But we can connect to pain, sadness, anger, despair, fear, and a host of other emotions that all humans feel.  This can connect us to our shared humanity. When we can bear witness to the pain and suffering of others, while connecting to the place within ourselves that also has experienced pain and suffering, we can remember that we are all connected by pain and suffering. 

We can remember that we are not separate from those whom we oppress.  We can be invited into a remembering that what is done to one, is done to all. 

The pain and suffering of People of Color and other marginalized communities is felt uniquely and personally by them . . . and, their experience of that pain and suffering has ripple effects for the world.  Just because we as white, able-bodied, and privileged people are not on the receiving end of that pain and suffering does not mean that we are removed from its effects.

And, importantly, the ICWP system has a vested interest in making us all think that we are disconnected from each other. That we are in competition with one another.  That if we support other people in finding their power, that it will somehow take away from our power. 

Horse shit, honey!   

If we want to challenge the misguided notions of the ICWP that want us to be afraid of losing our power, then there is no better way than to find compassion for all the people that the ICWP system has conditioned us to see as “the other” so that it makes it easier for us to keep them realizing their power.  Compassion for others allows us to say, “Fuck the ICWP!” and its mission to make us think that People of Color and marginalized communities are “the other.” 

So, the invitation is to begin to lean into not only the empathy for the pain and suffering of People of Color and marginalized communities, but also to lean into action to alleviate that pain and suffering.  It is that empathy plus action that creates compassion. 

My invitation is for white people to lean into more compassion.  And it can start with these resources:  

• Check Your Privilege Podcast, with Myisha T. Hill (a fabulous introduction to all the ways that privilege shows up, like in the English language, mental health, and ableism)

• Meditation on Cultivating Metta for Everyone, by Valerie Brown (on Insight Timer) (Metta means loving-kindness, or compassion)

It’s equally important for white people leaning into the work of dismantling the ICWP system to have compassion for ourselves.  Self-compassion on this journey can make us more resilient when we fall down, screw up, or feel shame in doing this work . . . and trust me, you will experience all of those!  When we do, it can feel easy to want to stop the work.  In those times, a self-compassion practice is critical.

In addition, when we cultivate more compassion for ourselves, it can begin to crack open the door to more compassion for others.  Self-compassion and compassion can be a wonderful feedback loop! 

Despite the benefits of a self-compassion practice, many white people have been conditioned by the messages of the ICWP system that being kind to ourselves is weakness.  That we need to “suck it up.”  That we have to be hard on ourselves if we want to get anywhere or make anything happen. 

That messaging, dear ones, is bullshit.  It’s in the interest of the ICWP system in which we live to keep us feeling like we have no excuse or reason to be kind to ourselves. That if we feel like we want love, nurturing, or care, we’re being weak. 

So, again . . . there is no better way to say “Fuck the ICWP” than with radical self-love and self-compassion. 

If self-compassion is new to you or feels weird or uncomfortable, I encourage white people to lean in slowly.  Too much, too soon can backfire.  Start with some of the resources.  

• Heal Your Way Forward:  The Co-Conspirator’s Guide to an Anti-Racist Future, by Myisha T. Hill (hands-down, the most powerful book I’ve ever read on healing ourselves so that we can create a more anti-racist world)

• My Grandmother’s Hands: Racialized Trauma and the Pathway to Mending Our Hearts and Bodies, by Resmaa Menakem (a deeply empowering book on healing intergenerational and systemic trauma for People of Color, police, and white people)

• 10-minute guided meditation on Insight Timer by LaToya Cooper, Mindful Self Compassion

Dr. King certainly was more eloquent in his words than I am with mine in saying “Fuck the ICWP.”  Although I share Dr. King’s sentiments of love, kindness, and compassion, I also think it helps sometimes to add a little fuel to stoke the fire of change. 

Fifty-five years later, we are still trying to help Dr. King realize his dream.  And I believe that compassion and self-compassion can be much-needed fuel to add to the spark of that dream so that hopefully, someday soon, that dream can burn as bright as the light that Dr. King was.