This love letter first came to me as a tribute to a dear friend.

A dear friend who spends her days on auto-pilot going through the motions…

who’s lost the connection with her partner, with the life she wanted, and — most of all — with herself.

My dear friend who wants nothing more than to find more peace in her life…

who wakes up wondering if she’s crazy because she doesn’t feel more grateful for the life she has…

feeling like she is paralyzed in the life she has created because she doesn’t know what anything outside that life would look like…

feeling that even though she’s in so much pain, at least this pain is familiar…

at least she knows how to exist in this pain.

And every morning when she wakes up and that pain settles over her like a dense fog that keeps her feeling lost in the forest of her life…

the only comfort she can find is in believing that “I know how to live with this pain.”

Because anything else besides the life she’s known for 20 or 30 years, is too uncertain, too unchartered, too unfamiliar…

and that kind of unfamiliar pain feels more unbearable than the pain she knows now in this moment.

So…she stays.

Feeling alone,

like she’s crazy,

and like the weight of everyone else’s lives and their happiness lies on her shoulders.

And as I thought of my friend, I realized that my friend was me…

that she is many of my friends…

that she is many women in their 40s and 50s…

and that many of us can see ourselves in each other and in our stories.

So, this is a love letter for all the women in their 40s and 50s who feel lost, trapped, and restless in the lives they’ve built.

To my dear, sweet, exhausted friend…

the one who wakes in the morning with a heaviness on her heart,

the one who moves throughout her day with an outward smile that masks the sadness and longing in her heart,

the one who believes that everyone else’s needs, desires, and happiness take precedence over her own…

the one who wonders if she’s losing her mind,

if she will ever feel alive again,

if this is all there will ever be…

I want you to know that:

you are not alone,

you are not crazy or losing your mind,

your needs, desires, and happiness are just as important as everyone else’s,

your sadness and longing deserve a voice,

and…

most of all, my love…

that there is more waiting for you.

And so, my sweet friend…

I want you to plant seeds of curiosity within yourself,

to question the stories you’ve believed all of your life…

the stories that have muted your beautiful, divine voice…

that have caused you to lock away the parts of yourself that you believe are unacceptable or inappropriate…

that have kept you small,

that have told you who you are “supposed” to be…

how you are “supposed” to behave…

and what you are “supposed” to believe.

Where, my love, did you get those stories?

And what’s a new story that you can begin to tell yourself?

I want to invite you, my friend…

right here, in this moment,

to place your hand on your heart…

and breathe…

breathe in a love for yourself that is bigger than the sky above you…

and breathe out all of the stories, beliefs, and expectations that keep you trapped.

And I want to ask you a painful question…

a question that no one has ever asked you…

a question that may shake you to the core…

may cause you to curse me (and that’s okay…I can take it)…

a question that may bring you to your knees.

And that question is:

Who would have to die so that you could feel permission to live the beautiful life that you deserve?

That painful question is not an invitation to wish harm on anyone…

and it’s not an invitation to fantasize about leaving and upending the life that you have…

rather, it’s an invitation to open yourself up to the ways in which you have lived your life to please and appease others.

And then, once you’ve sat in the pain of that question, my love…

once that question has broken you open and brought you to your knees…

I invite you…from your knees…

from a place within you that you’ve relegated to the deep, unknown parts of yourself,

to let the tears,

pain,

longing,

despair,

disappointment,

loss,

and grief…

flow out of you like a great river.

And then, like the wild creature that you are deep inside…

I invite you to throw your head back and scream…

a primal scream…

a scream that shakes the birds from the trees,

and causes every living creature to stand up and take notice.

A scream that commands the universe, the Divine, the power within you, to do one simple thing:

“Show me!”

“Show me!”

“Show me!”

And I want you to imagine, as you scream this command,

that your voice is raising up toward the sky and meeting the voice of a million other women…

who also are down on their knees,

letting their tears

pain,

longing,

despair,

disappointment,

loss,

and grief,

flow out of them like a great river.

Because, my sweet friend…

you are not alone.

At this very moment…

down the street,

in the next town,

in another state,

in another country,

in another part of the world,

there is another woman who, like you…

also is screaming to the universe,

“Show me!”

“Show me!”

“Show me!”

And imagine that your voice, her voice, the voices of other women…

and my voice too…

are drifting through the skies…

calling out to each other to show us the way.

Show us the way back to ourselves…

back to the power within us…

back to our wholeness…

our gifts…

our dreams…

our desires…

our truest, deepest sense of love for ourselves.

Because, my love, you are not just my friend…

you are me,

I am you,

and we are all each other.

And when we can remember that our pain is also each other’s pain…

when we remember that we are not crazy,

that we are fractured beings trying to put ourselves and our shattered pieces back together…

when we can remember that the masks we wear to obscure the sadness and longing in our hearts only serve to keep us disconnected from each other,

disconnected from ourselves,

and from the wisdom that our pain has to show us…

when we can remember that we are inherently whole, complete, and enough,

and that there is absolute nothing we need to do to prove our inherent worthiness…

when we can remember that the weight of everyone else’s happiness and emotions is not ours to carry…

when we can remember that by locking away parts of our beautiful selves,

by putting ourselves last — or even second,

by denying our own desires,

we are depriving the world and those around us of the divine gifts we are meant to share…

when we can remember that our lives are not meant to be lived on auto-pilot,

that instead, they are meant to be lived with intention, fire, and love,

from a place of unshakable worthiness…

then and only then,

when we remember all of that,

can we emerge from the dense fog in the forest of our lives.

Then and only then,

can we see clearly the path before us,

the path that is truly meant to be ours,

the path that allows us to show up in our whole, complete, fullness,

in our beautiful, messy humanity,

so that we can truly live into the purpose we are meant to inhabit…

the purpose that actually and more powerfully serves those around us,

and serves them from a place of whole-hearted, integrated consciousness,

instead of from a place of fear, comfort, and disconnection.

Then and only then,

can we find true peace.

So, my deepest wish for you is this…

may you come to know that you can move beyond the comfort of knowing how to exist in your current pain…

that yes, it is scary to move into the unknown…

and that you can be both scared and courageous.

May you know that beyond the comfort of existing in your current pain…

lies not just the scary unknown,

but also, a magnificent, bold, and mind-blowing life that has been waiting for you.

May you know that you are not alone on this journey into the unknown…

into the life that’s been waiting…

that you are surrounded by a million other voices crying that primal scream of “show me!”

May you know, that once one of us takes that first step beyond the comfort of current pain,

we are bushwhacking a new path for other woman to take their own first step.

And may you know, my dear, sweet friend…

that I am always here,

cheering you on,

seeing in you what you cannot see in yourself,

loving you from afar,

and ready to walk side-by-side with you,

out of the fog,

and onto your new path.