4 Tips for Leaning Into Rest and Fun
Being an entrepreneur is wonderful for a lot of reasons, including that I get to set my own schedule. This aligns with one of my five Core Values: Freedom. Freedom to find a flow in my work that supports my creativity, my focus, and my rhythms.
So I’ve set up my schedule to take Wednesdays and Fridays off because I like to go out and play when there aren’t 5 million other people out doing the same thing . . . especially here in Colorado where hiking trails on weekends are packed.
I try to hold a strict boundary around my days off, especially Wednesdays. And yes, sometimes that boundary is tested . . . like last Wednesday.
Last Wednesday, during the first week of the New Year, I felt the weight of a lot of pressure to “get things done” . . . to “be productive” . . . to forego my day off and try to “make some progress” on my never-ending to-do list.
Raise your hand if you know those kinds of pressures!
Let’s pause on that word “productive” for a moment.
A good friend of mine—another Gen X’er—was lamenting the other day about how they felt lazy for not getting much done that day. They’d pulled a muscle in their lower back and so had taken it easy that day to give their back a rest. And yet, despite clearly needing some self-care that day, my sweet friend was beating themselves up for not having been “more productive.”
They said to me:
You know me . . . I just like to be productive.
When I hear statements like that, I have several thoughts.
Do you like to be productive, or is that just how you’ve been conditioned to function all of your life?
What stories have you been told and what messages have you received all of your life about being productive?
How do you define “productive?”
What do you think it says about you when you’re not productive?
What toll does it take on you to feel like you have to be productive?
What fear is deep underneath your drive to be productive? In other words, what are you avoiding by cloaking yourself in productivity?
Let me be clear here: I do not believe that we are meant to sit on the couch all of our lives, eating chips and salsa and binge-watching Netflix. (Although moments like that certainly have their place and value, especially when it’s really good chunky salsa and salty chips!).
I also do not believe that we are meant to be productivity machines.
Here’s a truth bomb that may be hard for many of you to accept: our notions about productivity—what it means to be productive and how productivity is tied to our worth and value as a human being—are nothing more than make-believe stories that have been involuntarily shoved down our throats all of our lives by out imperialist, capitalist, white-body supremacy, patriarchal western culture, (what I abbreviate as the ICWP, because I’m too lazy to type it out all the time).
I’m gonna invite you to pause for a moment to let that sink in. (And if the notion of the ICWP is new or triggering for you, that’s totally okay. Reach out out me if you want some resources or want to discuss).
That ICWP culture can be your family, school, church, society, workplace, friends, television, social media . . . you name it.
Gen X’ers in particular seem to have a drive for productivity. I think it’s a holdover from our Baby Boomer parents. Something that’s fueled by our fierce independence.
The point is this: who told you that productivity should be a value? Or that it has anything to do with your value as a human being?
Better yet, who told you that productivity should be valued over rest and fun?
Yes, if we want to create a life, there’s “stuff to do.”
And, what if your ability to “do all the stuff” could be enhanced by doing less—by leaning into more moments of rest and fun?
But, Michele . . . I have bills to pay, debt to get out of, kids to support, college tuition to pay, a demanding job. There are too many spinning plates, and if I do less, one or more of those plates will start crashing down on me.
Oh, honey . . . I deeply hear you and am witnessing the facts of your current situation. I’m not inviting you to say “screw it” and hop on the next flight to Mexico.
Or to stop caring for people in your life, paying the bills, or quit working.
What I am inviting you to do, is a couple of things:
Start to be curious about when the energy of “productivity” is showing up for you. Reflect on some of the questions above. Start to bring awareness around when you’re being driven by the heavy, frenetic conditioning of “productivity;” and then,
Lean into a little more rest or fun. Introduce just a few more moments of rest by lying in bed for an extra minute before you get up; sitting in a quiet place for a few moments with your eyes closed; taking a 10-minute nap. Like I tell people when they’re interested in eating healthier or starting to work out: Don’t focus on what you want to take away or deprive yourself of. Focus on introducing more good stuff little by little. If you put more broccoli on your plate and eat it first, you won’t be as hungry for the steak and potatoes.
So, this brings me back to last Wednesday when I noticed all that toxic conditioning around positivity pounding in my head and body like an Irish drum (which is called a Bodhran, and I actually love them) . . . trying to lure me into the exhausting dance of “do more, do more.”
I started to feel guilty about taking a day off . . . guilty about not showing up for my “obligations” . . . guilty about the privilege I have that allows me to take a day off for rest and fun.
So, instead of letting that frenetic, heavy energy of guilt and productivity take over, I leaned into the idea of rest and fun. I metaphorically put a little more broccoli on my plate.
I leaned into how I would feel if I did just one, small thing to rest or have fun. Maybe I’d take a drive to get some coffee. That would feel calming and soothing.
Or maybe I’d drive up to look at my version of porn—campers. I thought, “Yeah, that sounds fun . . . let’s go look at campers.”
I invited myself to take a couple of hours to drive up to Greeley and look at a camper that I’ve been eyeing.
My new obsession . . . the Coachmen Cross Trail 20CBT.
Imagining doing that one small thing felt luxurious . . . fun . . . light. Then, I’d see how I felt and maybe come back home to “get some stuff done.”
The magic happened though as I drove up to Greeley and felt the weight of productivity start to leave me.
Sure, my to-do list was still rattling around in my head. But it was more like annoying background noise instead of the base-thumping Irish Bodhran in my head and chest.
I started to feel lighter . . . more free . . . less pressure.
And a 2-hour camper viewing trip turned into an all-day exploration of downtown Greeley.
I found an adorable coffee shop named Margie’s that had a wonderful gift shop with designs and crafts from local artists. I chilled there with my coffee, reading a book, soaking in the sunny atmosphere and the people in the coffee shop.
Then I wandered around downtown Greeley and found a cute little shop where I treated myself to a new blanket and a “Death Planner” (an awesome planner for organizing my “estate.” I get weirdly excited about preparing for my death).
And I took a back way home along snowy fields, listening to music and allowing myself to cruise along.
By the time I got home, I felt reinvigorated. Recharged. Clear-headed.
Of course, my never-ending to-do list was still there. And maybe some of you are saying that you can’t afford to take a day off because all the emails and things to do will pile up, making it even harder to dig out.
Again, I hear you and witness the facts of your current situation.
That’s why I’m inviting you to lean in to more rest and fun.
Leaning in to a bit more time to rest and have fun doesn’t make your to-do list any shorter.
What it does do though, is carve out more space for you to deal with that to-do list. Refuel your tank—even a little bit—so that you’re not constantly running on fumes.
The day after my little Greeley adventure, I woke up ready to hit the ground running with a fresh tank of fuel.
Leaning into more rest and fun also can create some distance and perspective.
When we’re always operating under the story of “productivity”—always “go, go, going”—we’re operating at a baseline survival response of “fight or flight.” (Raise your hand if you feel like you’re just surviving day-to-day.) When we’re in that fight or flight response, our field of vision becomes myopic—we’re focused on just being able to survive. Neurologically speaking, our brain and nervous system feel like they’re under a constant threat (the pressure and stress of being productive), which in turn triggers our fight or flight response so that adrenaline, cortisol, and other charged-up hormones can fuel us to survive, i.e., “get ‘er done.”
The problem though is that the fight or flight response and all those stress hormones aren’t meant to pump through our bodies for more than short bursts of time.
Consequently, we may find ourselves falling into another survival response: freeze or shutdown.
Our fuel tank runs dry. We burn out. We get sick. We become more depressed and want to just shut the world out.
So, the invitation is to lean into adding a little more fuel by way of rest and fun. When we focus on adding more fuel (like adding more broccoli to our plates), we naturally will start to decrease the amount of fuel we’re spending on “being productive” (just like we’ll naturally eat less meat and potatoes when we eat the broccoli first).
When we decrease the amount of time we spend in fight, flight, or freeze, we can start to open our field of vision. No joke . . . our brains don’t have to be narrowly focused on survival. Our minds and perspectives open up. We can see more possibilities. Be more creative. Find more flow.
The day after my little Greeley expedition, I felt more focused, more in the flow. And—here’s the kicker—I moved through my to-do list with more ease and efficiency (even saw how to eliminate some things from that list).
By leaning into more rest and fun, you can create more perspective and flow in your day. By doing less, you may be able to do more—but not from the standard of “productivity.” Rather, “doing more” means being more fulfilled by what you are doing. Your tank gets more efficient at burning fuel because you’re putting high-quality gas into it.
The invitation here is to find one small way that you can lean into more rest and fun in your life. It doesn’t have to be a vacation or full day off (although that’s awesome). Start small. A few minutes here and there throughout your day. Then, gradually build on those moments. Keep putting a little more broccoli on your plate (literally and figuratively).
And, importantly, give yourself full permission to surrender to that moment of rest or fun. Approaching moments of rest or fun as “just one more thing to do” only adds to the heaviness and story of productivity.
If you notice resistance coming up to leaning into more rest and fun, here are four tips:
Be aware of that resistance to rest and fun. Awareness is always the first step. Notice the thoughts, messages, or stories that are going through your head about what it means if you rest or have fun.
Set an intention to want to lean into a moment of rest or fun. And maybe try again later.
Keep those moments even smaller to start—maybe it’s 30 seconds of full, deep breaths.
Imagine how it might feel to give yourself this gift of rest or fun. To receive this moment fully. Maybe it would feel more spacious. Free. Light. Calming. Try to find an emotion or energy that you could connect to and let that invite you into a moment of rest or fun.
How do you want to lean into more rest and fun?
What are the messages and stories that you have about “productivity?”
I invite you to share in the comments below.
(I’m trying something new with these blogs. Each month I’ll focus on a particular topic. This month, to help us ease into 2023, the topic is “leaning into [something].” It kicked off last week with 2023: Leaning Into the Shift. If you have a topic that you’re curious about leaning into, let me know in the comments).