When It Ain’t Workin’, Try the Costanza Approach: Do the Opposite

If you’re like most GenX’ers, then you’ll remember this classic Jerry/George exchange from a Seinfeld episode in 1994:  

Jerry Seinfeld: “If every instinct you have is wrong, then the opposite would have to be right.”

George Costanza: “Yes, I will do the opposite. I used to sit here and do nothing, and regret it for the rest of the day, so now I will do the opposite, and I will do something!”

How many of you are banging your head against the wall doing the same thing over and over again, wondering why it’s not working?  And then, weeks, months, or years later, you end up regretting that you’re still in the same place, banging your head against the wall? 

Now, I want to make a critical distinction here.  I believe that there’s no such thing as “failure.” When we can see the lessons in all of our actions, no matter what the result, we can grow from them.  Sometimes all it takes is tweaking what we’ve been doing so that we can get a different result. 

At the same time, I also believe that there’s also something to be said for recognizing that no amount of tweaking is going to get you a different result.  Sometimes, you need to reverse course entirely and try something new.  

Let me give you an example.  My entrepreneurial journey is filled, every single day, with shit that feels like it’s not “working.”  And although there are things that I can tweak so that I can do them better, I’ve also realized that “tweaking” alone isn’t the answer for some things.  Instead, for those things, I want to do the complete opposite.  

Take social media marketing for example.  It just ain’t me.  I have a visceral reaction to it that makes me want to punch my laptop in its screen and cuss out all the algorithms and the greedy humans behind them.  Yet for years, I’ve banged my head against the wall trying to “make it work,” with little to no forward momentum.  

Recently, I decided that my head was too damn bloodied and sore to keep banging it against the wall trying to figure out asinine social media algorithms.  So, instead of constantly tweaking my social media marketing, I pretty much let it go.  I have a wonderful marketer who now does it for me and all I have to do is review it.  

But, best of all, I took the George Costanza approach:  I went from the “un-social” media marketing to actual social marketing.  I let go of trying to market my business solely to the black hole of social media.  Instead, I’ve started getting my butt out into the real world, with real humans, at various networking events.  

You see, doing social media marketing didn’t feed into my strengths.  I know that my primary strength is connection.  In particular, connecting with flesh-n-blood people in real-time…not AI, algorithms, and bots across some unseen interweb network

But, for a long time, I didn’t listen to my strengths.  Instead, I was listening to a ton of other entrepreneurs and swallowing their beliefs that social media marketing was the way to go.  In the process, I banged my head against the wall trying to do what everyone else was doing.   

Now, instead of banging my head against the wall, I will do something…I will walk away from that damn wall and do the opposite.  I won’t rely solely on soul-sucking social media marketing for my business.  I will go do what lights me up and feeds my soul.  I will connect with real humans, in real life.  

When I look back over my life, I realize that I’ve experienced this same head-banging tendency before (and I don’t mean in the badass Metallica kind of way).  

For over 20 years, I banged my head against the wall as an attorney, believing that if I just worked harder, tried to be smarter, or acted differently, I would fit in.  

I banged my head against the wall when it came to my physical health, thinking that I “had” to do crazy endurance races to prove how fit I was.  

And I banged my head against the wall in romantic relationships, believing that I had to hide my true self for fear of being perceived as “too weird.”  

But now…thanks to George Costanza’s time-honored wisdom, I’m doing the opposite in all of those areas.  I quit trying to force myself into the box of being an attorney and decided to become an entrepreneur.  I quit beating up my body by training for long distance races, and now work out in a way that feels good for my body and soul.  And I’ve committed to showing up as my full authentic self in any romantic relationship instead of trying to be someone who won’t scare a man off!   

Look, doing the opposite of what you’ve been habituated to do for most of your life ain’t easy.  And I’m not saying to “do the opposite” by getting up at 5:00 pm instead of 5:00 am, or by leaving your kids at school instead of picking them up.  

What I’m inviting you to do is question at least one area of life where you’ve been banging your head against the wall, doing the same thing over and over with the same unsatisfactory results.  And then…try to do the opposite for a while.  See what happens.  

If you go to your office every day and shut the door so that you don’t have to talk to anyone, maybe try talking to a colleague during the day.  If you’re running 20 miles a week and can’t seem to shed the weight, maybe take a break and try another activity for a while.  If you’ve tried dating apps and they’re not working, try a Meet-Up Group or an in-person social activity.  If you constantly feel broke and keep scrimping and saving your money, try treating yourself to a $5 coffee each week and revel in the abundance of it.        

And if doing the opposite seems too scary or risky, look at it this way:  there’s already risk baked into continuing to do things the same ol’ way you’ve been doing them despite that they’re not working.  You’re just familiar with that risk and, thus, in this moment, it feels more comfortable to you.  

So, if there’s risk either way you slice it, why not try on another risk…one that might actually pay off for you and keep you from moving through life in a half-conscious state because you’ve been beating your head on the wall? 

I invite you today to join me in doing the opposite! 

What’s one thing that you can do today that’s the opposite of something you’ve been doing that just hasn’t been working?