2 Simple Principles to Guide 40- and 50-Year Olds Through Uncertainty
I talk to people in their 40’s and 50’s (especially lawyers) all the time, who tell me that they feel like they're ready for a change, but they just don't know what that looks like or how it will happen.
They're at Point A and either they don't know how to get to Point Z or even know what Point Z looks like.
Or maybe they have some ideas, but those ideas are “just silly” . . . “they'll never work.”
Or they “can't give up” their “stable salary,” “flexible job,” “great benefits,” “security.”
Or they “don't know what other job” will pay the bills, support their lifestyle, provide flexibility, fit their schedule, allow them to spend time with family, won't require them to start all over.
Or, they don’t know what else they could possibly do at this stage in life . . . “I’m too old to try something new.”
Does any of that sound like you?
If so, you're not alone.
These are common stories I hear all the time—and ones that I’ve even told (and still do tell) myself. And although I recognize the realities of our situations at times, there are many times when those stories get played on repeat as a protective measures to allow us to stay in our comfort zone.
We like the certainty of our comfort zone. (I mean, it’s called “comfort” zone for a reason). That comfort zone—no matter how much it drains us and sucks the joy out of our lives,—is much more appealing to us than any uncertainty that exists outside that comfort zone.
Because we don't have or can’t see all the answers in front of us, or have a concrete step-by-step, multi-phase plan with guaranteed results, we stay in our comfort zone, under the protection of those mythical stories.
There’s truth in that old saying, “The devil you know is better than the devil you don’t know.”
Our overpowering stories often are designed to keep us in our comfort zone and protect us from “the devil we don’t know” that’s outside the comfort zone. These stories protect us by preventing us from taking any steps forward outside of our comfort zone.
The result: we stay . . .
stay in the bullshit comparative mindset of “it's not that bad. Other people have it worse.”
“I should just be grateful for what I have and stop complaining.”
“I just need to suck it up.”
“I just need to figure out other ways to be happy outside of work.”
“I just need to get by a few more years until . . . [insert whatever applies: the kids are out of school; I save up enough money for retirement; I pay off some debt].”
Again, any of that sound familiar?
Before you read on, watch this adorable GIF of a baby giraffe learning to walk.
Now, think about this: notice how the baby giraffe above doesn't worry about how it's going to walk, where it's going to go, if it's going to fall down, or even what it looks like.
It also isn't worried about running before it walks. It knows that it has to learn the foundational skill of walking before it can run. Running isn't even on the baby giraffe’s radar . . . it's only focused on the first step, then the next step, of walking.
That baby giraffe is simply aware that something is telling it to walk . . . it listens to that pull . . .
and then, it gets up and tries to take its first step.
That's it.
It doesn't sit there in the grass wondering “hmmm...can I really walk? Walking looks hard. I mean, how do I even do this? My mom is way over there and I don't even know how to get over to her. She’s a much better walker than me. I'm so weak. My legs don't seem to be working right. I'm too afraid. This was a dumb idea to think I could make these skinny, awkward legs walk clear over there. Peace out . . . I'm just gonna chill here in the comfortable grass.”
No . . . .
That baby giraffe is undeterred. It listens to that pull and tries to get up without even questioning whether it should or how it will happen. It just takes a first, clunky step.
All the while, right in front of it, supporting it from just a short distance away, is the giraffe's mother.
She doesn't coddle the baby . . . she doesn't get behind it and push it up. She doesn't tell it “just suck it up! Get up and walk, it's not that hard.”
She stands there, watching, supporting, and congratulating the baby when it gets up.
So, I said that there are 2 foundational principles to live by . . .
and here they are:
Raise your awareness.
Take the next small step in front of you.
That's it. Pretty simple, yet profound in its execution.
Take the baby giraffe again. It was aware of that pull—that instinct—to walk. If that baby had been distracting itself with social media, how much work it had to do, or what it wanted for dinner, it wouldn’t have been aware of that instinct to walk. That baby giraffe was present and therefore, was aware.
Then, that baby giraffe took one little step forward.
And then it fell. Took that fall as feedback. Became even more aware, and tried to take another step.
Then, just like that, the baby giraffe was walking.
Now, I’m not saying that transformation in our 40’s and 50’s is going to happen “just like that.”
What I’m saying is that we have to start somewhere . . . and that somewhere is with these 2 foundational principles.
When we can start raising our awareness, it creates a foundation from which we can make sustainable change—not just short-term, goal-driven change.
We we can become aware of:
what our bodies are telling us
what our intuition is telling us
the bullshit stories we’ve told ourselves
the bullshit stories other people have told us
the possibilities that we didn’t know existed
the ways in which we can change our relationship to our circumstances, even when we can’t change the circumstances themselves.
Then and only then, can we take one small step toward making change in our lives.
And that one small step often looks like going from A to A.1 instead of A to Z or even A to B.
Taking one small step eases the paralyzing overwhelm and uncertainty that keeps us in the comfort zone.
And once we learn to take one small step—even if we fall—then we start to build the tiniest bit of confidence that allows us to believe that we can take another step.
Just like the baby giraffe, that one small step can provide evidence and information for us to see that it's safe and okay to take those first wobbly steps outside the comfort zone toward something greater.
Putting this into practice.
So, how could you start to raise your own awareness, especially around what’s keeping you in your comfort zone?
start noticing how your body feels when you think about going to work Monday morning
notice how you lose track of time when you're doing something you love
notice the little things during the day that bring you joy
pay attention to those little “niggles” or “voices” that are trying to get your attention. Even when you’re going about your usual daily activity, if you feel a nudge to drive a different way home, or eat something different, or call someone you haven’t spoken to in awhile—start to notice to those—you don’t have to act on them right now—just notice them
start writing down all of the many stories you tell yourself: “I’m too ___ [fill in the blank: old, fat, dumb, set in my ways, clumsy, inexperiences, etc.].” “I could never do ____.” “I’ve just always been this way.” “I don’t have time/money/knowledge.”
Then, once you’ve started raising your awareness, think of one small step that you can take to lean into something that feels like it honors that nudge, that voice, that joy, or a more empowering story that you’d like to tell. Don’t worry about all of the steps that come after that . . . just start with one small step.
With these two foundational principles —awareness and one small step—you can start creating sustainable change.
And, if you want that mama giraffe out in front of you . . . encouraging you, helping you be accountable for your steps, seeing the strength in you even when you don't . . . then that's what I'm here for.
Like the mama giraffe, I stand just a little ways ahead of you . . . letting you find your own footing.
Encouraging you to gather your own strength.
Watching you every step of the way.
Trusting that if you fall, it's just feedback for you, and you'll get up again.
Waiting to congratulate you after taking those first steps.
If you want to fire up your awareness and next step forward, come join my free Inner Compass Masterclass on Thursday June 29th (by Zoom).
I created this Masterclass for folks like the 40 and 50-year-old lawyers who are wondering “how did I get here?” and “Where do I go from here?”
In this Masterclass, you’ll get my 3-part framework to:
get clear on what matters to you
learn what gets in the way of honoring what matters to you, and
your next step forward
You won’t want to miss out on this! So save your spot now.
In the meantime, what’s one little thing you want to start to raise your awareness around? Drop a comment below.